you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
