You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
