Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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