I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
