I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize