It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize