we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
