I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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