Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
