he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Houston, we have a blender
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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