Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
