Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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