You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
