FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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