god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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