Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
