look no pants
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
