he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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