when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
