the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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