dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize