How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
