I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
