Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
birth control should be required to get into college
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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