all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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