last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
