You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
