do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
