I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
