I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
