If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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