I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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