I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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