I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
