Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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