I'm eating all of the evidence.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
