Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
