I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
