Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
