I think I won the penis lottery.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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