so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
