Jerry, you need to find god
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
only you would photoshop your dick
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
