cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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