margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
