I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
