Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
