I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
