funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
