Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
whose parrot is this?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
