he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
