we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
