Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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