If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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