What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
