I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
