hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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