I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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