Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
