I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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