We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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