I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Randomize
