is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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