please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
