Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
