Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
PANTIES FOUND
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
