Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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